New Daruma of Kokorodayaku

newdaruma @ 2005-09-10T07:22:00

2005-09-10T11:22:00Z

So I got 3 hours of sleep last night. I slept most of the day. The other part of the day was spent talking to Jeremy about nintendo DS, and drinking a pale of paint thinner with chocolate syrup spooned in. And a paper umbrella.

I went to K-Mart on Oakland park the other day, since I was so early for work (see: 1 hour; see also: moron). If you didn't know, Oakland Park is to Broward County, as Hell is to the Bible, or a black person is to a lot of watermelon and fried chicken. Before they let me in to the K-Mart, I was required to show my NAACP member's card. Lacking that, they had to settle for my assuring them I watched every episode of Family Matters throughout the early 90's, until it turned to shit with horrible plot twists (Robo-Urkel, Stephan, Carl Winslow bikini photoshoot), whereupon they finally let me through. Keep in mind though, I had a very angry fat man in a red K-mart blazer with rolls off his forehead that served as a visor, pointing a sawed-off at my head the entire time I was there.

But before you dismiss me as a rascist and shun me for my horrible analogies, let me offer you this little tidbit of information:

When I was in the parking lot of Pizza Time waiting for Mika to come out of her work, I heard footsteps and screaming from all directions. And rap music. It was 8 oclock at night, so I locked my doors. Gabi started panicking, so I punched her in the eye to calm her down. The rap music got louder, the screaming more gramatically incorrect, until we were surrounded in my car. A slew of small black children (and yes, slew is the proper term for more than one black person) began banging on my windows, and hooting. For fear of my windows cracking, I rolled down my window a bit.

Instantly my car was invaded by tiny hands grasping the air wildly and rap music. It's strange, because there was no boom box or music player of any sort in the surrounding area. All I heard were yells for money, and about how their school was so poor they needed money. Also I thought I heard "BRAAAAINS" from one of them as well. They begain to make cat calls at Gabi, deeming her a "sexy bitch". The five year-old with them boasted that he would "tap that" had he been only 3 feet taller.

My having just noticed Gabi's presence in my car, I feared for our lives, so I opened my wallet. Instantly the air around us grew silent. The faces of the once sporadic, wild, flailing children were stone solid, and seemed to be staring off into infinity, pondering eternity as their eyes all pointed invisible lines toward my wallet as if it were some sort of occular magnet. I took out 5 singles, and instantly I heard "OOOOOO!!" like the green aliens from Toy Story. One of them told me their school needed 20 dollars. I told him to do something to himself that in most foreign countries, would get all your limbs amputated by penalty of law.

The hooting and screaming and rapping began as I gave them the money (ala post Obi Wan's slicing off of Ponda Baba's arm), and when I handed him the last single, they were gone. Not just, walked off into the distance from whence they came. I mean, gone. Poof. Like a mob despawning in EQ, gone. Turned into sparkles and blew off into the wind up into the night sky. The sparkles landed among the celestial sphere and dotted the sky as tiny stars. The remainder of the sparkles flew into the moon, where the face of Amos Fortune appeared to manifest and smile down upon me as I sped off, crying.

Okay that went on longer than I expected. I had other things I wanted to type but I have to go to work. If my computer doesn't come today, or at least Nintendogs, I'm going to break someone.

Also, I sent a letter to my aunt Yoshiko for the first time since I've been to Japan, and she wrote me back. I really loved everything about that place. It only reinforced my plans of becoming a teacher over there.

newdaruma @ 2005-09-09T20:39:00

2005-09-10T00:39:33Z

gotta go to the doctor and have a colonoscopy.

But my insurance sucks, so they sent me to this guy.

newdaruma @ 2005-09-09T16:29:00

2005-09-09T20:29:49Z

im so miserable

newdaruma @ 2005-09-09T15:43:00

2005-09-09T19:43:18Z

this is humiliating. my anxiety is off the scale, and I'm irritated by so much right now. I am not in a good mood.

newdaruma @ 2005-09-08T19:41:00

2005-09-08T23:41:10Z

what the FUCK no one is picking up their phones when I need them to the most. >:O I need'a go to the hospital I think!

newdaruma @ 2005-09-08T13:15:00

2005-09-08T17:15:56Z

OUCH i FELL 9: how many times have you given blood?
TheDaruma86: alot
TheDaruma86: very alot
OUCH i FELL 9: hahahaha
TheDaruma86: but never in the times I Shouldnt have
OUCH i FELL 9: like 4 times?
TheDaruma86:more :-I
OUCH i FELL 9: omg
TheDaruma86: once outside the movie theatre for free movie tickets to the matrix
OUCH i FELL 9: well if youre anemic you arent allowed to give blood
TheDaruma86: (I was strapped for cash)
TheDaruma86: once outside wallmart for a bag of Bugles
OUCH i FELL 9:the little test at the beginning where they prick your finger is the anemic test
TheDaruma86: once to a hobo for a pet rock
OUCH i FELL 9:: ahahhaa
TheDaruma86: once to a blood bank for a can of soda and a viewing of Texas Chainsaw masacre
OUCH i FELL 9: i NEED food, i ahvent eaten since 4 pm yesterday
OUCH i FELL 9: jesus phry
TheDaruma86: Another to the bloodbank for a free viewing of independence day and a can of diet dr pepper
OUCH i FELL 9: and like, 10 times in high school
TheDaruma86: once in high school to impress the lady types
OUCH i FELL 9: haaa
TheDaruma86: and I think one other time in the blood bank for a free viewing of Hannible

So I guess I have stomach a bleeding ulcer or something. Gotta see a doctor :-I

This is going to be cool lol. LOL!

newdaruma @ 2005-09-06T07:25:00

2005-09-06T11:25:28Z

Odie, I'm getting Nintendogs cause you're broken. A Nintendog would never let me down the way you do.

If I throw a stick, he'll run out and fetch it probably. He won't look at it from a distance, then look at me, then walk away and lay down somewhere. If I call my Nintendog's name, he'll look up from his mathematical calculation he'd been scratching carefully into the hardwood floor and prance over to me happily and maybe, if I play my cards right, won't hump my leg.

If I ever called your name like that, Odie, you'd probably flip me the bird if your anatomical structure allowed for such gestures.

So that's it, I'm trading in my old Advance Wars game, and sacrificing a goat, and buying Nintendogs. But that's it for a while I promise no more spending.

I want to get my new computer so I can test it out.

Map of the World

2005-09-04T19:04:18Z

I was bored so I decided to test my knowledge about the world. It turns out I am more worldly than I thought I was. Take a look:

*This part of the world was destroyed during the clash of the Erudites. Heretics who practiced the necromantic arts fought against the wizards and mages, which resulted in a gigantic piece of the world to be cascaded into space, leaving a race of cat people to populate the moon.

don't feel like doing an audio

2005-08-30T18:02:28Z

When a crowd sits in front of a performance, they watch and listen and learn. They experience vicariously through spoken word and exuberant gestures what the actors on the stage are experiencing. They're sucked into the actor's world, but only so much that they're thanking the lucky stars that they're not as deep an amount of trouble as the characters in the story. At least that's how it is for most good performances. In Rent, I think the crowd was thanking the lucky stars they weren't in the actual production on stage performing, story aside. That's sort of how I see myself playing things out.

Most people would be quick to shun me and tell me how much of life I'm missing. I'd set them straight with my witty, clinching, yet elegantly concise reply:

"o."

So school's started, and I switched out of that Sexuality of Fruits and Vegetables 1101 farce. I'm now in Astronomy, British Literature, and soon I will be starting Political Science.

The teacher we have in literature is this, this man with gray hair and bad teeth and speaks with a hilarious lisp. He's very learned, and very passionate about his readings. He reads old English like it's his second language. He stands up and reads it in front of the class.

For those of you unfamiliar with Old English and what its about (I'm going to go out on a limb here and say Chrystine falls into this category), it's a language so cryptic to the modern humans mind, that the brain just reads it as dancing Kirby's. Allow me to demonstrate with this classic line from Chaucer:

<(o.o<) (>o.o)> <(o.o)> (>o.o)> <(o.o)>

Ah...they just don't turn a phrase like that anymore...

He reads Old English to a class that barely has a slippery grasp on current English. He's someone who has as much experience in gaging an audience's reaction as Jay London with both his ocular and auditory organs gouged out. Jesus, how does that guy still get work.

But that aside, he seems like someone who really really enjoys what he's doing, and I for one think that that is a huge accomplishment. He's enamored by literature. And as he tells the class this, I hear snickers from some of the students behind me commenting on how he doesn't have a life.

I don't let a whole lot piss me off, but that's a line I've heard much too often. "Get a life". Who defines a life other than you, concerning your own? It's only human to look at what you have and then peek at your neighbor and wish. I know this, because I piss in a urinal all the time. But if someone is doing something they enjoy, and they're enjoying life, why should they go out and "Get a life"? Especially one defined on the insulter's terms. From what I've seen, it's these insecure instigators, and the low self esteemed Lemmings who follow them that make up the base of our society. But go ahead and strive for the "life" as defined by your peers, just don't take out your not fitting in on someone who's enjoying life, okay?

Now I am guilty of making fun of people who's lifestyles are different from mine, but in all actuality I don't care if your lifestyle involves fucking a watermelon. Just try not to get the pulpy debris on my lawn...you big, gay faggot...

As for my astronomy teacher, not much could be said about him. He's...well he's foreign.

Time to wrap it up.

newdaruma @ 2005-08-28T12:57:00

2005-08-28T17:06:48Z

AM i RITE FLKS:
TheDaruma86: I wonder if it works backward
TheDaruma86: fdsad;ohfadshaGHAHGHGAHGWGHPEIGHERGIHAIAHAH
TheDaruma86: the
TheDaruma86: the guy
TheDaruma86: in theb bio
TheDaruma86: the back
TheDaruma86: dafsljgahgrh'g
TheDaruma86: he's like
AM i RITE FLKS: look how tiny the guy in the upper rights forhead is
TheDaruma86: "how."

(insert me slamming on keyboard gasping for air)

TheDaruma86: omg
TheDaruma86: omg my face
TheDaruma86: it was just rocked
TheDaruma86: kljsh
AM i RITE FLKS: im gonna draw that guys skull
TheDaruma86: sdlfasdhfasdfhahhahahahahh
TheDaruma86: me too
AM i RITE FLKS: no wait
TheDaruma86: lets have a contest
AM i RITE FLKS: im gonna draw that picture
AM i RITE FLKS: in bones
TheDaruma86: who can make it better
TheDaruma86: lkahfhahahhahahahahfdgjkfahh
TheDaruma86: im just ganna redraw it
TheDaruma86: with proper facial expressions
TheDaruma86: and placing
TheDaruma86: im sitting here
TheDaruma86: josh
TheDaruma86: laughing my fgucking ass off
TheDaruma86: in an empty house
AM i RITE FLKS:
TheDaruma86: fgbhgfd;'
TheDaruma86: '
TheDaruma86: ists
TheDaruma86: its
TheDaruma86: like
TheDaruma86: fsdl;jhfsa
TheDaruma86: my soul
TheDaruma86: is being sucked out
TheDaruma86: to makre room
TheDaruma86: for my laughter
TheDaruma86: fjiksfhasghugrhuhfgah
TheDaruma86: zxo
TheDaruma86: ahg
TheDaruma86: o
TheDaruma86: my
TheDaruma86: ghujg
TheDaruma86: i cant
TheDaruma86: see
TheDaruma86: ajlsh
TheDaruma86: the one
TheDaruma86: in the
TheDaruma86: xcenter
TheDaruma86: sho
TheDaruma86: aslhg
TheDaruma86: :-{}
AM i RITE FLKS:
TheDaruma86: dfxgp\
TheDaruma86: sja
TheDaruma86: ghhitghaegiuheouhru7h597thegshuhaahaa
TheDaruma86: im
TheDaruma86: about
TheDaruma86: 3/4 done with mine
TheDaruma86: b pashient
TheDaruma86: jlsdhahag
AM i RITE FLKS: dsafad
TheDaruma86: dude
TheDaruma86: seriously
TheDaruma86: I dont think I've ever laughed so forcefully
TheDaruma86: like
TheDaruma86: i felt like I was imploding
TheDaruma86: im rushing on the black guy
TheDaruma86: cause they all look the same
TheDaruma86:
TheDaruma86: I fixed the baby
TheDaruma86: to make it look more like it came from the family
TheDaruma86: also, the cone head guy in the back was taken creative listence with
TheDaruma86: and now he's a floating head
TheDaruma86: that shows up at family reuinions
TheDaruma86: and the skinny guy runs around with a net
TheDaruma86: trying to catch it
TheDaruma86: also the girl in the front has cheek dimples that extend deeper than the 9th level of the bowels of hell
TheDaruma86: so I had to darken them in
TheDaruma86: the end
TheDaruma86: "woops u can never catch me " ::swoop:: ::spiral:: "u should all just give up try again next year"
TheDaruma86: ::floats off into the night sky::
AM i RITE FLKS: khasdah
AM i RITE FLKS: dsagadsa
AM i RITE FLKS: ds
AM i RITE FLKS: sdgadsfads
AM i RITE FLKS: dag
AM i RITE FLKS: adsf
AM i RITE FLKS: adshjldasjk
AM i RITE FLKS: ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
AM i RITE FLKS: sdalgas
AM i RITE FLKS: sdk
AM i RITE FLKS: dsl;
AM i RITE FLKS: jk;jkl
AM i RITE FLKS: ;;;;;;;;;;;
AM i RITE FLKS: ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
TheDaruma86: asdhhaha
AM i RITE FLKS: ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
AM i RITE FLKS: the
AM i RITE FLKS: the
AM i RITE FLKS: far right
AM i RITE FLKS: woan
AM i RITE FLKS: woman
AM i RITE FLKS: boar
AM i RITE FLKS: adskla
AM i RITE FLKS: gas
AM i RITE FLKS: grenage
AM i RITE FLKS: gean
TheDaruma86: akjbahaahah
AM i RITE FLKS: greenaspna
AM i RITE FLKS: greenspan
AM i RITE FLKS: sdaka
TheDaruma86: ahlksfhahahahahaahahahhaahah
AM i RITE FLKS: wtf
AM i RITE FLKS: i accidently said
AM i RITE FLKS: gas grenage
TheDaruma86: dsljhahahhahahahjhggaghar
AM i RITE FLKS: alksdhflhkweth
AM i RITE FLKS: the joawels
AM i RITE FLKS: jowels
TheDaruma86: isp;jgjitjsjjsjajjthyptih
AM i RITE FLKS: blackface
AM i RITE FLKS:dha
AM i RITE FLKS: d
TheDaruma86: sdjauahahahahha
TheDaruma86: ::floats around::
TheDaruma86: ::spirals::
TheDaruma86: ::loops::
TheDaruma86: ::weaves in and out of trees::
TheDaruma86: "nevuh ganna cayatch me"
TheDaruma86: "ya waistin ya time"

newdaruma @ 2005-08-25T08:22:00

2005-08-25T12:27:21Z

sooo, after finding out that i spent about 150 dollars on ram that wont fit into my computer, i now cannot turn my computer on without it beeping 3 times at me and telling me it's not getting any input to the monitor, and...also it doesn't load up.

So it's fucked and I'm not going to be able to go on for a while LOL!

So if you wanna get a hold of me my number is 954-328-3221.

If you have any info on wtf my computer is doing, or if Gateway accepts trade-ins toward upgrades, you can tell me. I'm going to be surviving by the light of my Nintendo DS and Gamecube, while nibbling on Better Cheddars and crying.

Yesterday was the most stressful day I've had in months. I don't stress about anything. Ever. But if I can't get my computer to work, then the aura of calmness and content I've built around me turns into Carrot Top with Down's Syndrome.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think my sister's computer has 900 worms and viruses on it, and I actually might be catching something from it.

newdaruma @ 2005-08-22T21:47:00

2005-08-23T01:47:44Z

A cartoon of my day can be viewed here.

Enjoy.

newdaruma @ 2005-08-18T13:10:00

2005-08-18T17:10:53Z

newdaruma @ 2005-08-17T15:31:00

2005-08-17T19:31:19Z

i tried to scan it but my hand woulndt come off the package.

o.

newdaruma @ 2005-08-11T17:36:00

2005-08-11T21:36:09Z

Comix time lol

2005-08-10T23:19:51Z

AM i RITE FLKS: i jsut got an invoice that says my 3D card is on a fed-ex truck here in yuba city
AM i RITE FLKS: :O
AM i RITE FLKS: I'll be jumping from a 64 meg card to a 256 meg card
AM i RITE FLKS: my boner will be jumping from 0 to 200 inches
AM i RITE FLKS: in t-minus 2 hours
TheDaruma86: man.
TheDaruma86: Im jealous :-(..

Special Featurette: The Creation of Bonaria

critix rave

one85x: he just like
one85x: taps you on the cheek with his pnus

Sweeett3: hahaah theres a dome!!

kriminalkiss: i would have your children
TheDaruma86: sry
kriminalkiss: if it wasn't for your alternative lifestyle

MAKING A CLUB

2005-08-08T23:40:39Z

MAKING A CLUB CALLED THE "MAKE THIS FACE OR GTFO" CLUB WHERE YOU HAVE TO MAKE THIS FACE:

SUBMIT YOUR PICTURE HERE AS YOUR APPLICATION.

Anything else will not do. Words will not be read.

newdaruma @ 2005-08-08T12:20:00

2005-08-08T16:20:47Z

shady internet: Dar!!
TheDaruma86: ya
shady internet: Hello!
TheDaruma86: hi
shady internet: I need to get dresssssssssssed.
TheDaruma86: for what?
shady internet: for success.
TheDaruma86: oh
shady internet: duh.
TheDaruma86: ahgjahhahahhahaah
TheDaruma86: where the hell did you hear that line
TheDaruma86: "dressed for success"
TheDaruma86: sounds like something a private school woudl use to enforce the 'coolness' factor of it's dress code.
TheDaruma86: "Kids, we're going to be dressing for successing this coming monday"
TheDaruma86: "So don't forget to wear your pink striped learning outfits"
TheDaruma86: "and dress for success"
TheDaruma86: "And today for the hot lunch menu, we're having Calibaster Oil and load chips."
TheDaruma86: "of success"
TheDaruma86: "One chocolate milk, calibaster oil, and load chips of success please"
TheDaruma86: ::slops it onto student's plate::
TheDaruma86: ::shoves tray down to register::
TheDaruma86: ::bug crawls out of calibaster oil::
shady internet signed off at 12:18:51 PM.
TheDaruma86: AW
Previous message was not received by shady internet because of error: User shady internet is not available.

newdaruma @ 2005-08-07T06:40:00

2005-08-07T10:40:19Z

OH, MAN. I -really- have to stop drinking so much melon aid. I think I have a serious problem.

This is a big one...

2005-08-03T22:25:03Z

So big in fact, that I've taken the liberty of supplying an audio file to help those struggling readers sound out the really hard words. Courtesy of Jeremy.

After playing Everquest for so long that I've starting keeping track of the things I eat via Hitpoints and skill alteration percentages instead of calories, I decided it was time for a break. There's only so much adventuring one can take, and it turned out my limit was the equivalent of 17 consecutive Jules Verne's Journey to the Center of the Earth’s, 11 Herman Melville's Moby Dick's, and 7 Bibles. I actually have chain marks on my body from donning the mail of my elven ancestors for so long. Or maybe those are whip marks from the masochistic poem me and Gabi are composing called "Love Me Till I Scream The Safety Word". I'll have to check with that.

Turns out I have this week off. My summer has officially begun! I say this, my hands thrown up in the air my head facing the sun as a flock of dreary, long faced, sweaty, tired, prepubescent, absent-minded, narcissistic, trisexual, fried-their-hair-and-died-it-a-complimentary-color, pasty teens trek drudgingly back to their respective hovels/learning facilities for a 180 day uninterrupted slumber, most of them surprisingly already greased up into their tight girl pants.

Lot's of things happened this past summer, few of any real significance to me. But still they happened, and I think they deserved to be acknowledged.

First off, I have a girlfriend. I'm not sure how this happened, or when exactly. But I figure it's worth mentioning in this post because. Things have been kind of. Dry. Around my journal.

If I were to pinpoint the exact time when we started going out... I guess we were playing Smash Brothers, and she scored a cheap shot on me, and I moved to slug her in the jaw with a set of color-changing brass knuckles I got in a box of Kix, but instead I kissed her. Yeah, that sounds romantic...

Another thing that happened was Dawn went somewhere. I forgot where, but I think it was Antarctica. Or Botswana. Something gay like that. Anyway, it wasn't long before she returned home to find out her logfriend was poking his mole into holes like some sort of dildo batting against an erotic piñata, hoping to find even a tiny trace of the Special Edition Jurassic Park 2 Cereal with Marshmallows but alas to no avail...man that was fuckin funny.

Of course, I was working until I couldn't count to 20, even with my shoes off. And that says something, considering I was working in a facility that taught math. It was fascinating, because I actually thought I had the balls to work the entire summer shift in Coconut Creek. Sure, the first week I was ready to rock and roll, all pistons blazing all gears churning, dead set determined not to let any brat mess with me. I walked in there like Mr. Rogers, hanging up my bland, solid colored sweater, slipping on my polished work loafers, tightening my block patterned tie in the mirror and poking my head into the trolley hole to the Kingdom of Make-believe while whistling my own fucking theme song.

But Christ, by the last week I think I came in with only one article of clothing on my person, incorrectly placed on my left leg and my right arm at the same time, my middle fingers fixed in the upright position, and eyes so utterly bloodshot that the kids actually had the decency to curse me out in Braille.

Another summertime funvent (a word I just made up) was the fourth of July. Gabi, Laura and I went to Chile's, after driving around Coral Springs and finding out that all shops and stores and restaurants were mystically broken. You've got to wonder about our country when most business facilities will force their workers to work through Christmas, the date of birth of the fucking Lord, yet it's considered a mortal sin to work through the Fourth of July because people need to watch pretty explosions. Let me tell you something - we don't have to pretend to be happy about the war we fought for our independence anymore. Most of those veterans are dead now, and the few remaining ones weren't there watching the fireworks. They're plastered into their sofas, with the rims of their shaking, sagging jowls crusted with Diet Lime Pepsi and baked Lays, watching through grey, clouded red white and blue eyes, soft core cable porn through the fuzz of their spot wielded Nursing home brand television sets. Now get the fuck back into Carabbas and serve me!

Then for a long time nothing happened.

Throughout the summer, my hair has been growing longer. For every centimeter my hair has grown, I take a point off my "Winning At Life" meter. People look at me and assume I'm emo and go to shows and am punk rock. They seem to be able to take a look at my hairstyle and make inaccurate conjectures at the type of music I listen to, similar to that phrenology business, except totally gay. I think it's pretty cool that people think that I have good (or perhaps, depending on the phrenologist, bad) taste in music, but the truth is, you only have to take one ride in my car to realize that they've made a horrible error. The shit I have on my CD ranges from mild "Hey, I think I heard that song in a Polish lesbian soap opera once in 1987" to the more exclamatory "Turn that fucking assclown Carl Douglas down before I travel back to 1974 and beat the pseudo-asian watermelon seed-riddled shit out of him". I even drive Gabi crazy with my music, and she's trying to accept it. But really, if you're anybody but me, accepting my music is like fitting a square peg into a circular slot on a Fischer Price toy. Not going to happen unless you use heavy-duty power tools to force it.

Another thing that happened was Josh's moving to Nebraska. It's true, everyone's favorite hairstyle with a human being underneath has moved away to the fresh green pastures of Nebraska, which I read in the papers is doing wonders for it's population. According to the newspaper, it's boosted the statewide population, sending it skyrocketing from it's previous low of 0 people, to an awe-inspiring 4. Government officials also report that jobs per square mile has increased many, many fold. However this is anchored down by the recent reports of child pornography per square mile boosting 97%, a statewide high that's only been surpassed once in Nebraska's grand history during the Great Baby Outage of 07'. Has anyone ever heard of someone from Nebraska? Honestly, I forgot it was even a state. Nebraska is like that quiet, forgotten party guest that stands with Wyoming outside the room where all the rest of the 49 states are doing bong hits and fucking, only to be vaguely remembered the next day by a tipsy, hungover Ohio and Indiana who thought they left early. But they were there. Oh, they were there. In conclusion, his crazy ass will be missed by many, but I wish him luck in Nebraska or wherever he decides to live.

I suppose the next thing that simply bears the responsibility of following this news is that Laura and company threw a party for the recently departed Josh in commemoration of his leaving the state of Florida. I've never seen something like that been done before, and while it in no way pertains to me, I guess I could say that that was a different idea. Though I suppose it isn't too far off from the party I threw celebrating the hopefully violent and gory death of the Pope. The bastard.

I suppose another thing that bears mentioning is my conditioning therapy for obsessive compulsive disorder seems to be coming along fine. During my Pope Death party, I only needed wack the Pope piñata once with a burning effigy, and I was completely comfortable. Also, I was just able to say "Wack the pope" without any hindrances or compulsive thinking. Score one for conditioning.

After all is said and done, it seems summer is winding down in a blazing, screaming, crying plunge of glory. This summer is one that will fly off into the sapphire sky and disintegrate in a flurry of sparkles which turns into stars and then melds into the moon, and the smiling face of this summer would be gazing down upon the earth, and a twinkle will appear in it's eye to symbolize a wink. (copyright Josh Bailey, circa 2004)

newdaruma @ 2005-07-28T17:52:00

2005-07-28T21:52:24Z

It strikes hard, and when it does, my body can't stop shaking. I'm almost always twitching since I was in Hell, but this is a constant nervous shaking. I'm glad Im going to therapy tonight. Today I found myself mired in the thick soil of the Universe's underbelly of bothersome entities. I found myself involentarily playing back scenes from my journey to Hell, followed by the cursing of many who contributed to it.

I can't help it when it hits. And I'm sorry to those close to me that it effects. But there's no full rebounding from this standpoint. There's no magic potion that will erase the scars it's left. I can't stop myself from scournfully glaring at the past, wondering why everyone did what they did, and for what reason they had for hurting me in the process. This isn't something that was out of control. It had the power to be stopped, and it still plagues me, even when many people say it shouldn't. I still wake up, uncontrollably convulsing and contracting as images and memories of the horror flash through my head.

Get over it? Good advice. I'll give it to whomever I please.

I found myself wondering if I were going insane, and everyone is playing along so as to make it seem like it's something that really happened. Surely in a sane world, something like this couldn't rape my life and get away with it, could it?

Karma will break perpetrators.

newdaruma @ 2005-07-27T18:07:00

2005-07-27T22:07:51Z

newdaruma @ 2005-07-26T17:50:00

2005-07-26T21:50:26Z

Working with children gives me the opportunity to feel like I am looking at the destruction and/or construction of a city from my lofty Skyhook/Helicopter/Giant Robot (powered by the energy of a Mythril Crystal, blessed by an Osk Drasian priest).

What I mean is, I'm watching all these children experience the hardships and rewards of their childhood from the standpoint of a proud "been-there-done-that" platform. Any time a child get's made fun of by another child, or a child is left out of a joke told by a group of other children, I'm given a nostalgic taste of exactly how I felt when I was in that situation at their age. Even when the child is praised for getting a correct answer, I can feel it from my childhood. When the other children feel inferior, I can feel it from my childhood. When the children are excited, jumping around, worshipping the older kids, or heckling the younger kids, I can feel it from my childhood.

Connecting with the children and being their friend is something I like to do, because I remember when I was their age. It was the greatest thing in the world to be able to relate to someone older than you. And it was horrible to be shut out by other children. I think it's important the children have someone they look up to, even if it is just for an hour a day. I think it's important that any influence these children can get at their age should be a good one. I know that when I was a child, it was good influence from admirable role models that shaped my personality before the poison of today's society could get to me (as a child, anyway).

I'm a sucker for nostalgia. It's probably one of my biggest addictions, which is lucky I should think, since I don't have to worry about dirty drug needles or hangovers with that. However, I should be on my toes while driving under the influence.

newdaruma @ 2005-07-25T22:58:00

2005-07-26T02:58:36Z

newdaruma @ 2005-07-19T22:37:00

2005-07-20T02:37:44Z

Why do I feel like I'm on a roller coaster?

:-{|